Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Come Out!!!

 One day, two police were on a police chase. The man they were chasing trapped himself inside his house. . After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

Sunday, May 13, 2012


There are many stories related to the sinking of the "Titanic."
Some have just come to light due to the success of the recent
movie. For example, most people don't know that back in 1912
Hellman's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The
"Titanic" was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico which was to be the next port
of call for the great ship after New York City.

The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were
disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a
national day of mourning which they still observe today.
It is known, of course, as...

[ This is pretty bad ]

[ I don't make these up...I'm just the messenger ]

[ Are you sure you're ready? ]

Sinko de Mayo

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Mermaid

One day three men are out having a relaxing day fishing, when suddenly
they catch a mermaid. After hauling the mermaid up in a net, she
promises that if the men set her free, in return she will grant
each of them a wish.

The first man doesn't believe it so he says, "Alright, if you can really
grant wishes, then double my IQ."

The mermaid says, "Done" and suddenly, the first man starts to
flawlessly recite Shakespeare and analyze it with extreme insight.

The second man is so amazed, he looks at the mermaid and says, "Triple
my IQ."

The mermaid says, "Done" and the second man starts to recite solutions
to all of the mathematical problems that have been stumping all of the
scientists in various fields from physics to chemistry, etc.

The third man is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, he
says to the mermaid: "Quintuple my IQ."

The mermaid looks at him and says, "You know, I normally don't try to
change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd

The man responds, "Nope, I want you to increase my IQ times five, and
if you don't do it, I won't set you free."

"Please," said the mermaid "You don't know what you're asking...it'll
change your entire view on the universe. Won't you ask forsomething
else... a million dollars, anything?"

But no matter what the mermaid said, the third man insisted on having
his IQ increased by five times it's usual power.

So the mermaid finally relented and said, "Done."

The third man became a woman.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Do Not Disturb

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Friday, April 27, 2012

To Who?

A: Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: To
B: To who?
A: To whom, you idiot.